Sunday, April 26, 2009

Invisibility Is Not A Superpower

Seriously, it's not. It sounds really cool, but in actuality, it stinks pretty bad. If you aren't struggling with something, and those around you are dealing with major issues, you can get lost in the sea of everyone else's problems. You've got a life-saver in the midst of this vast turbulent ocean, and they don't even have those little blow up arm thingies so of course they're going to get rescued first. Makes perfect sense and I'm totally fine with that. But I've been floating for quite a while now and I'm tired.

I'm also really conflicted. On one hand I want to be a blessing to my friends. You know, listen to them, offer advice, encouragement, support, all that good stuff. But on the other, I'm a human being and I have limited resources. My little life-saver will only hold so much weight.

And being the slightly melancholy person that I am, I tend to overestimate how much I can take. So I take and take and take until I just can't take no more! (Double negative used for emphasis, I know it's not grammatically correct. Haha.)

I'm totally fine with sharing in my friends troubles and helping them get through the emotional turmoil of it all because I love my friends and that's just what you do for your buddies. And goodness knows I'll probably need it some day. But after a particularly draining period of time, I need someone to listen to me for a change.

But my sisters need a lifeboat more than I do so instead of getting to vent like I so desperately want to, (remember, I'm in the sea too, I just have a better flotation device,) I'm forced to step aside once more.

It sounds selfish, and I feel kinda guilty about it all, but I'm really tired of being invisible.


Oh, the lifeboat suddenly came within arms reach! Mom just said she is taking me out to lunch without anybody else tomorrow! Praise God! I can stand the frigid waters for a few more hours. Hope is in sight.

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