A Slingshot

Okay, so I know this is my third post of the day, but I was thinking earlier, all of my posts so far have been kind of serious. And I wanted to post something, uh, not serious. And no, I'm not an obsessive blogger, I'm just a teenager with lots of free time on the weekend. Haha.

So my friend writes all this crazy random stuff and it absolutely cracks me up! She is so funny! And speaking of cracking up, I was reminded of something she said when I went to Mel's lingerie shower today.

One of Mel's friends had, rather, uh, creatively wrapped her package with a colorful thong instead of a bow. And the first thing I thought of was Abbie jokingly saying, "Look, Mommy, a slingshot!" (She was with us when we were buying our gift for Mel.) So yeah, that was really funny.

New Seasons

We've just recently started a new season in life and it's really exciting! About four years ago we became a part of the "Anti-Church" group, (I'm so going to wear the life out of that phrase now!) and left our church. So for a long time now we haven't attended really anything. At all. No dance lessons, or group activities or sports or anything. We go to a home group which we love, but all of the members are of an older generation so while Kath and I benefit from their wisdom and input we haven't had any peers to connect with.

Now we do have friends, don't get me wrong. We have AMAZING friends and I love them all! Unfortunately we don't get to see them as often as we would like because they live an hour away and the other friend lives seven hours away so face to face contact time be difficult to arrange. Thank God for the internet! Haha!

Anyway, we weren't lacking best friends, we just wanted time to mingle with other teenagers and be a part of a big group. You know, youth group activities and that sort of thing. But being a part of the "Anti-Church" makes that rather difficult...

Until a few weeks ago when we had a huge family discussion, that is. Turns out Kath and I were getting more desperate than we realized. We had stopped participating in the home group. We just sort of sat around and listened, waiting for it to be over. Well Dad got frustrated with our lack of involvement in the home group and we were frustrated in our lack of involvement in society in general. So basically we all had desires and expectations that weren't getting met and it all kinda blew up in our sitting room.

Dad said we needed to be more spiritually focused as a family and that that didn't mean attending an "all youth event." He looked at me and said he was "detecting resistance from me," and wanted to know why.

I'm like, no kidding. Seriously, I was ticked off. I shot back, "what's the difference between an all youth even and an all older people event?" Now I am never outspoken like that towards Dad. I'm honest, but not rude. Respect is lesson number one, you know? So for me to blurt that out so angrily was evidence of some deeper feelings.

Dad just kind of looked shocked and at a loss for words. I felt kinda bad, but not enough for me to bite my tongue.

And Mom, wonderful, diplomatic, insightful Mom, said that the difference was that the older generation has wisdom that the younger doesn't, but that the younger group has similar experiences and can relate better. And that we need both.

So the end result was that Kath and I agreed to be participators instead of observers at home group, and Mom and Dad said it was okay for us to start getting involved with the youth group at our old church. See, we went there until I was thirteen, so we still know a bunch of people there. We have history. Heck, the youth pastor is my uncle.

Now we go on Wednesday nights and the coolest thing is that Kath and I joined the youth dance and drama group! That's the thing that I missed the most about church. Other than that and worship, I was really content with home group for a long time.

Leaving the only church I'd ever really known, (other than all the ones we traveled to with Family of Faith, of course,) was a really hard thing at first. It was one of those doors that got closed. But God used it to draw me closer to Him. I had to wrestle with some desires, but when I surrendered them to Him, things were easier. I enjoyed meeting in the living room and all the homemade food spread out on tables in the garage. I got a lot out of it and grew spiritually.

So I was really surprised when I found myself discontent again. I hadn't had to struggle with that for over a year. It cropping up again meant one of two things. Either I was just having a bad attitude and needed to get over it, or we were about to enter a new season.

By the sixth month of frustration, I figured it was probably the latter. My bad attitudes don't usually last that long. Haha!

I think I kind of told that story a little backwards...oh well. =D I write what I'm thinking and sometimes the thoughts don't come out in chronological order. So to sum it all up, God's doing some cool stuff. And I have the most amazing parents in the world!

(Oh, just so you know, Dad wasn't super ticked or anything. He was surprised, but not mad. And we worked it all out. He's so understanding.)

More Thoughts From Last Night...

Last night when I wanted to blog, Dad gave me a twenty minute limit so I had to keep it brief. And yes, that was brief! =D Anyway, just thought I'd go back and fill in a few details that I missed last night.

When Emmanuel, (the young man we talked with,) prayed for us he specifically asked for God to give us dreams, visions, poems, songs, books, and even movies! Seriously, how cool would that be? I love acting and and I would love for God to use that for His glory.

A big "theme" you could say was unity throughout the night. Joel talked about how coming back to town was kinda of weird because he had about two hundred friends spread throughout twenty different churches. He said, "I even have some friends in anti-church." I laughed so hard! What a funny way to put it. Anti-church. Anyway, he prayed that God would bring the churches in our area together and that the walls that divided us would be torn down.

Joseph said that he felt God was telling us to remember. To keep in mind the good things that He has done throughout the years. He talked about the Israelites briefly, about how you read a few chapters in the new testament and it feels like a few weeks but it was really a matter of years. And you think, if I had seen the red sea part I would remember. Then he said, "But if I saw the red sea part forty years ago...it might be hard to remember." He said that God isn't necessarily going to perform miracles every day, but we get to walk with Him every day. How cool is that? We get to walk with Him every day.

There were other things too that people spoke and prayed about, and anyone with a burden got to share. It was funny to me, because it was like "anti-church," in a church building in the sense that there was the same freedom to speak out that we have in Pastor Steve's living room. Except we actually got to do some worship with a real worship team! Haha. I think that's one of the biggest things that I miss about actually going to church. But we've started to branch out on that too now.

Once again, my blogging time is cut short. =( I'll write again later.

Closed Doors

Tonight we all went to Hebron church for some fellowship and worship. I must confess, I was a little dubious at first because I am very jealous of my free time, and the last time I went to something like this, my heart wasn't in the right place and I had a bad attitude so the time was passed very miserably. Nothing quite like watching people enjoy God's presence while you sit back with your arms crossed. Anyway, I didn't want that to happen again so I decided to just sort of go with the flow.

The worship began and once they started doing songs that I was familar with it was a lot easier to enter in. The cool thing about Hebron is they have this large, carpeted, open space at the front avalible to anyone who wants to make use of it while dancing, praying, crying on your face, or whatever. So after awhile bouncing on my toes to the music wasn't good enough and I jumped forward and danced until I thought I was going to pass out. It was awesome! I love it when there is freedom of expression through the Holy Spirit.

Another intersting thing that happened was that we reconnected with someone I haven't seen in years. Kath didn't even remember him and his family. Anyway, he was very friendly and he ended up praying for and prophesying over Em, Kath and myself. It was so encouraging!

He said that I have favor with God and with man first of all. This was confirmation for me because people have confided in me and I've found myself wondering why these people that I don't really know all that well are baring their deepest secrets. I got to talking to Mom about it and she said Dad has that kind of favor and that it's probably passed on to me as well. She said to ask God what I'm supposed to do with it and stuff like that. So it was really neat for him to specifically point out the favor factor when he prophesied.

But what he said next really got to me. He said that God had closed doors on purpose, because they were things that I would have gone for, but He had different plans and that now He was going to start opening doors. How awesome is that?!

The first thing that that made me think of was the whole youth group situation where I wanted to be a part of it but couldn't because we left the church. God closed that door and I had to trust that He and my parents knew what they were doing.

But Mom and Kath pointed out probably the biggest door that God has closed in my life. Last year I decided to enter the contest for Brio Girl. If I won, I would be able to write 12 articles for the magazine and there were all these cool prizes and things. I love writing and I belived that this would be a good opportunity to get some experience by having my words actually published. I really worked hard on my application and I waited anxiously for the letter that would tell me I was in the top twenty.

I had never wanted something that big that badly. And you can imagine my disappointment when I didn't even make the top twenty. I actually cried, and it takes a lot to make me cry. I felt like I wasn't good enough and wondered if I would ever be able to make it as an author. It was a crushing blow.

But I recovered and continued writing, obviously, and just accepted that fact that it wasn't meant to be. It still hurt every time I got a new issue of Brio, though. And seeing the article that held the top twenty, and then the top eight and then four until they finally revealed the Brio Girl was excruciating.

So for this young man to tell me that God had closed doors on purpose was such a blessing! It means I wasn't failure. It means He has something better in mind! Isn't He awesome? I am so looking forward to the new doors that are opening!

French Toast and Wisdom

I love breakfast food at any time of the day...except early morning. How weird is that? Today Mom made French toast for lunch along with sliced apples, tangerines, and kiwi. And the bread was homemade by my grandmother to boot. It was so good!

Then Kath had to rush off to work and the little girls cleaned the kitchen. I had to call them back to redo a few things that they had missed, but they're learning. I remember when Kath and I first started doing the kitchen together. When we weren't fighting about who was supposed to do what, we were singing and playing that we were servant girls in the castle kitchens. The end result was that the kitchen took two hours from beginning to end. But we had fun doing it most of the time! Chores, if at all possible, should always be fun.

I just checked my email and read the two different "word of the day," messages that I signed up for. On some days I already know both of them and it's rather disappointing, but today I wasn't familiar with either of them! Merriam Webster's is "basilisk: suggesting a legendary reptile with fatal breath and glance : baleful, spellbinding." Now, I've read this before, but I wasn't fully aware of it's meaning. "Basilisk" is one of those words that you could write a whole page about, just describing the horrible creature and filling in the details with your imagination. I like words that inspire me to write a story. Those are the best.

Dictionary.com's word of the day is "declaim: to orate; to speak in a loud and emotional manner." That makes me think of Proverbs where wisdom is "crying aloud in the streets," and pleading with the fools to give up their folly.

How frustrating is that? To know that you have a better way, that life doesn't have to be so difficult, and that there is hope. But no one listens and you just stand there, pleading to deaf ears and hard hearts.

I picture Wisdom standing on street corner, gesturing, pleading, calling out, and all these busy people are walking about quickly, not even glancing over. It's almost like they can't even hear her. Yet if they could, their lives would be so enriched.

But when I just hear the word "wisdom," the picture that automatically comes to mind is an old gentleman with a long white beard sitting calmly with his hands folded or perhaps holding a book. He looks gentle and pious, but rather emotionless.

Proverbs paints a very different picture. Wisdom is a passionate woman, pleading with mankind to come and partake of her bountiful feast. She promises life and freedom and she is anything but emotionless. The contrast is interesting between the two different ideas of the embodiment of wisdom.

Anyway, just some rambling thoughts and musings...

Just A Few Thoughts

Well I've been told I should start a blog, and I felt in the mood at the moment, so I did! I keep a journal, and I've been reluctant to do the whole online thing before because I didn't want to stop handwriting in my totally awesome leather book. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against writing online. It's fast, convenient, and makes it easier to get a lot of thoughts out at once. Still, there is something very satisfying about reading back over a full page of handwritten thoughts. But since I found myself with a lot of free time on my hands lately, I figured I could probably keep up with both.