Closed Doors

Tonight we all went to Hebron church for some fellowship and worship. I must confess, I was a little dubious at first because I am very jealous of my free time, and the last time I went to something like this, my heart wasn't in the right place and I had a bad attitude so the time was passed very miserably. Nothing quite like watching people enjoy God's presence while you sit back with your arms crossed. Anyway, I didn't want that to happen again so I decided to just sort of go with the flow.

The worship began and once they started doing songs that I was familar with it was a lot easier to enter in. The cool thing about Hebron is they have this large, carpeted, open space at the front avalible to anyone who wants to make use of it while dancing, praying, crying on your face, or whatever. So after awhile bouncing on my toes to the music wasn't good enough and I jumped forward and danced until I thought I was going to pass out. It was awesome! I love it when there is freedom of expression through the Holy Spirit.

Another intersting thing that happened was that we reconnected with someone I haven't seen in years. Kath didn't even remember him and his family. Anyway, he was very friendly and he ended up praying for and prophesying over Em, Kath and myself. It was so encouraging!

He said that I have favor with God and with man first of all. This was confirmation for me because people have confided in me and I've found myself wondering why these people that I don't really know all that well are baring their deepest secrets. I got to talking to Mom about it and she said Dad has that kind of favor and that it's probably passed on to me as well. She said to ask God what I'm supposed to do with it and stuff like that. So it was really neat for him to specifically point out the favor factor when he prophesied.

But what he said next really got to me. He said that God had closed doors on purpose, because they were things that I would have gone for, but He had different plans and that now He was going to start opening doors. How awesome is that?!

The first thing that that made me think of was the whole youth group situation where I wanted to be a part of it but couldn't because we left the church. God closed that door and I had to trust that He and my parents knew what they were doing.

But Mom and Kath pointed out probably the biggest door that God has closed in my life. Last year I decided to enter the contest for Brio Girl. If I won, I would be able to write 12 articles for the magazine and there were all these cool prizes and things. I love writing and I belived that this would be a good opportunity to get some experience by having my words actually published. I really worked hard on my application and I waited anxiously for the letter that would tell me I was in the top twenty.

I had never wanted something that big that badly. And you can imagine my disappointment when I didn't even make the top twenty. I actually cried, and it takes a lot to make me cry. I felt like I wasn't good enough and wondered if I would ever be able to make it as an author. It was a crushing blow.

But I recovered and continued writing, obviously, and just accepted that fact that it wasn't meant to be. It still hurt every time I got a new issue of Brio, though. And seeing the article that held the top twenty, and then the top eight and then four until they finally revealed the Brio Girl was excruciating.

So for this young man to tell me that God had closed doors on purpose was such a blessing! It means I wasn't failure. It means He has something better in mind! Isn't He awesome? I am so looking forward to the new doors that are opening!